A bit of my Heart…

I walked away from a corporate job and life as I know it, I walked away from friends and just about everything that was familiar to me. This I did a couple years ago but I now realize it was a move I had to make as I was being prepared to move into a higher calling on my life – hence the title of my first book (Called to a Higher Service). The things I do today are not of me because they run counter to who I knew myself to be.

The year I walked away from corporate Jamaica was the best year of my life in terms of financial gains and possibilities of the future and what I could acquire; but in the same breath it was the worst year as I think about the associations I formed. It was the breaking point for me, on a personal and emotional level. I knew in spite of everything I accomplished, friends, network, family and everything that I thought made me complete I was far from happy. Everyday even though I made the effort to put my best foot forward I woke up with a sense of dread and I knew I could not continue.

For years I battled with depression and a false sense of identity. I did not know who I was. I was easily influenced, I was easily impressed and I did not live myself neither was I living life. Even though I always put my best foot forward, I no longer talked about my issues because I talked about them too long; I had gotten to a place where I realized that no one could help and so I kept my feelings inside, apart from the rare times I would open up and when I did my husband was the target of my issues or something or someone else. Little did I know I only had to look in the mirror, I remember saying to others no one can make you happy but yourself, so I knew the formula. It is funny as I look back even though I was broken I still gave advice to the many who thought I had it all together, little did they know I was the most unqualified. If there was ever a constant in my life that was it, people would always come to me with their problems; at one point I thought I had a sign plastered across my forehead that said “free advice anyone!”

I was broken but not in terms of being abused or homeless or the other awful things that happen to others, I was my own abuser. My mind was fertile ground for me to plant weird unrealistic truths about myself that I would feed into my subconscious, things that pointed to only one thing…

I share all of that to say this to the person this post is for… Our truth is not the truth, I had to get to a place where I knew in my mind that the life Iwas living was not real. The life I lived made absolutely no sense and that was where the changes began. I had to realize not on my own accord that there is a God who made me in His image and therefore He would not have made me to live meaningless. That is just a waste and I do not know God to be like that. I had to start reading His word and seeking Him for myself only then did I begin to love myself and therefore began to love others and allowed my life to become what I knew it could be.

…more from my heart later.

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 Until next time; be blessed as we take the first step needed to get us to our destiny. Choose to create your awesome life. See and experience beauty in every moment. Love Jackie.

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