I remember the first time I saw him leaning so quietly alongside a post in our banking hall. Legs crossed at the ankle, eyes fixed on the television monitor overhead. The television being a means of passing the time while waiting to move along in the  line of bodies that wrapped within the perimeter of the banking hall so many times. He had a quiet control and assurance that seemed to reach out and say – yes I am dependable, yes I will take good care of you if you allow me, yes you can believe that I will have your best interest at heart given the chance.

I kept wishing the line would move quickly and I would be the one to take care of his business. It would give me a chance to say something to him and see if what I saw in him would come through in conversing with him, through his eyes. You see he was the total opposite of me; I was reckless, disorganized; certainly not in control of my emotions. I had to get to know him. Just the thought made my heart beat differently and made my knees go weak. It was an overwhelming feeling of the possibility of something new. We got married but the road ahead of us turned out to be a rocky one. We triumph together today because we won the battle that many have lost and are still together.

I am very fortunate to have had a similar experience with someone else. We are also “married” and his name is Jesus. He has taken first place in my life not only because he truly deserves the position but because I know I need to have someone who will be with me at all costs. I cannot put that faith in man. I am also happy to put him in first place because unlike an earthly man he has been with me from the beginning of my life throughout. He has been there even though I have turned my back on him many times, he has loved me through everything. When I was going through my challenges he was there and remained there even though I pushed him away. He has always encouraged and supported me even when I did not acknowledge him. Until he gave me some tough love one day and left. That was the day I clearly saw that his presence in my life meant more than I could know, instantly I felt the emptiness.

I consoled myself and tried to tell myself that I could do it on my own until I came to the conclusion that I needed him more than I needed anything in the world. Ultimately I knew he had to take the first place even before the husband, the kids or anything else.

So I begged him to come back, I told him that I would surrender everything, as hard as it may be I was willing because he meant so much to me. I acknowledged that throughout life’s ups and downs he was there with me. I told him I would never ignore him again. I guess he knew my sincerity because he did not hesitate. My relationship with Jesus has grown since and the feelings that come through surrendering are far more overwhelming than anything I have ever experienced. Its a better feeling than the increased pace of the heart beating or having my knees go weak. The feeling is constant, it never diminishes as it sometimes do with earthly relationships. It is  constant euphoria especially when Jesus reaches out to me in a revelatory way. Jesus gives me pure joy and hope through the demonstration of his love for me.

My earthly husband does not even complain because he realizes that having Jesus in my life, in first place has made me a better person, wife and mother.

Just as I am the total opposite of my earthly husband so it is with Jesus, our characters are far removed but I realize that my need to be like him increases daily, even though he has accepted me as I am. I strive to be like him so I can please him and also demonstrate my love for him and others around me. He is working on me and I know that in the end, like he has been with me forever so will I be with him forever.